In his book, “Lament for a Son,” Nicholas Wolterstorff reflects on his personal experience with grief following the tragic death of his son. Throughout the book, Wolterstorff provides heartfelt and thought-provoking insights into the complex and often bewildering emotions that accompany the loss of a loved one. In this paper, we will analyze Wolterstorff’s reflections in “Lament for a Son” and examine how they relate to Kubler-Ross’ five stages of grief.
Kubler-Ross’ five stages of grief, commonly referred to as the “Kubler-Ross model,” is a framework that explores the emotional journey individuals may undergo when faced with the imminent reality of death. These stages, which include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, provide a broad understanding of the emotional responses that accompany grief. While Kubler-Ross’ model was initially developed based on her observations of terminally ill patients, it has since been applied to various forms of loss, including the death of a loved one.
Wolterstorff’s reflections in “Lament for a Son” align with many of the emotions described in Kubler-Ross’ stages of grief. Throughout the book, Wolterstorff candidly shares his initial denial and disbelief at the loss of his son. He describes the shock and numbness that overtook him, preventing him from fully comprehending the reality of his son’s death. This aligns with Kubler-Ross’ first stage of grief, denial, where individuals struggle to accept the truth of their loss.
As Wolterstorff’s grief progresses, he experiences intense anger and feelings of unfairness. He wrestles with questions of why his son had to die and expresses anger towards God for allowing such tragedy to occur. This anger corresponds with the second stage of grief, anger, described by Kubler-Ross. Individuals in this stage may feel frustrated and resentful towards themselves, others, or a higher power for causing their loss.
In addition to anger, Wolterstorff also demonstrates a sense of bargaining, the third stage of grief in Kubler-Ross’ model. He reflects on the what-if scenarios, wondering if he could have done something differently to prevent his son’s death. This sense of bargaining is common among grieving individuals who desperately seek a way to reverse their loss or find a sense of control in the face of their powerlessness.
The fourth stage of grief, depression, is evident throughout Wolterstorff’s journey. He describes the overwhelming sadness and profound sense of loss that engulfed him after his son’s death. He opens up about his struggles to find joy and meaning in life, and his profound longing for his son’s presence. These experiences align closely with Kubler-Ross’ description of depression as a pervasive feeling of sadness, despair, and hopelessness that often accompanies grief.
Lastly, Wolterstorff’s reflections also touch on the fifth stage of grief, acceptance. Although it is important to note that acceptance does not imply complete resolution or the absence of sadness, Wolterstorff finds a sense of peace and acknowledges that his son’s death is an irreversible part of his life. He learns to incorporate his son’s memory into his daily existence and find solace in cherishing the precious moments they shared together.
In conclusion, Wolterstorff’s reflections in “Lament for a Son” provide a deeply personal and introspective account of his grief journey, which aligns with Kubler-Ross’ five stages of grief. From denial to acceptance, Wolterstorff’s experiences mirror many of the emotional responses outlined in Kubler-Ross’ model. By examining Wolterstorff’s reflections in light of this framework, we gain a more comprehensive understanding of the complexity and universality of the grieving process. Such reflections not only offer comfort to those who have experienced loss, but also provide valuable insights for healthcare professionals and counselors who support individuals navigating through the grieving process.
